


The path forward

by Stateless



Series: The Paths Untraveled [3]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 19:55:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13255491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stateless/pseuds/Stateless
Summary: Set between 513 and the beginning of my serie “The Paths Untraveled” (the scene is mentioned in Chap 3), but can easily be read as a stand-alone fic (in which case you only need to know the canon course of the show and that Justin has been in NYC for the last three months).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel like listening to music when you read this, especially chapter one, let me recommand  Torn Apart  by Bastille or  Weapon  by Mathew Good Band.
> 
> As in my other fics, POVs are indicated at the beginning of each chapter.

**Brian - Pittsburgh, early June 2005**

 

Brian couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned around the too empty bed, in his too empty loft, and his too empty life.

He’d stayed late at the office that night, as he’d done pretty much every night lately. When Cynthia had noticed a few days ago, and told him to go home, he’d replied that he had to pick up the slack of the art department’s team. He wasn’t so sure the excuse had worked on her, but what was clear was that he could only lie so much to himself.

He just didn’t want to go back to the loft.

It was also the real reason why he spent so much time at Babylon. Sure, he had to be there, to make sure the re-opening was a success. And it was. The club was packed to the rafters every night, they’d almost gone out of alcohol twice in the past week only, and the line outside remained full until closing time.

But for Brian, it didn’t feel like home anymore. Part of the reason was the bombing; it had shaken something loose in him, and changed his perspective on life. But it was also that it just wasn’t the same anymore. Mickey only ever made rare appearances now, just like Ted, and the latter more in his capacity as an accountant than as a party-goer. Emmet was still there most nights, but Brian couldn’t stand his knowing eyes too long. The booze was the same, so was the music. So were the tricks. And they were just that: tricks. He indulged, because he could, and because for a few moments pushing his cock inside a warm, willing mouth helped him forget. But it wasn’t the same, returning from the backroom to stand alone at the bar or to be asked by the manager about an issue or another. Dancing alone didn’t feel right, or fun, even with a bump (or three) or with a Johnny Walker (or three) buzzing in his blood. He hadn’t brought anyone home lately. He just didn’t feel like it. And he didn’t want to examine the reason why to closely.

_Justin._

Justin was making a living in New York City, just as he’d planned. It wasn’t as easy as expected, but Brian had no doubt whatsoever that it was only a matter of patience and perseverance before he finally made it onto the art scene.

As he laid on his bed, a cigarette burning between his lips, he remembered their last true conversation, a few weeks back.

Justin had been stressed, tired, on edge. He’d complained he couldn’t find any affordable studio space, about the cost of living, about the job he’d found and how it didn’t leave him much time for painting, about the asshole gallery-owners he’d met while trying to present his art. Brian had known not to propose any money, Justin had already bitten his head off about that, and he respected his determination to make it by himself. Instead, he had tried to listen, to offer comfort and support.

Until Justin had uttered something in a dejected tone that had chilled him to the bone.

“I made a mistake, Brian. I shouldn’t have come here like that, without a plan or any real perspective. It’s too hard, and I miss you too much. I think about coming home.”

Brian’s blood had frozen. That was exactly what he’d feared. He’d suspected that allowing Justin to believe in them would result in him focusing more on what he had left behind that what he had in front of him. He’d been complacent and stupid to stroke that flame in the past months. He couldn’t allow that.

So instead of replying “I miss you too”, as he’d foolishly let himself do ever since Justin had left, he made his voice steel-hard and detached.

“Hmm. Didn’t take you for a quitter, Sunshine. It’s been what? Two months? Three? And you’re already crying for your mother’s skirts?”

“What? I’m not saying-” the blond had replied, shock clear in his voice.

“Look, I’m busy, I have to go.”

“Oh. Okay, don’t let me keep you.” Justin’s tone had turned miffed, bitter.

“Later.”

“Later.”

And he’d hung up. The next day, he had asked Cynthia to hold Justin’s calls – she hadn’t, damn her, but he’d started cutting their conversation short under pretense of work. He’d also started fielding Justin’s calls on his cell and landline at the loft, only taking one out of two, then three. He replied to text or voice messages only sporadically, and barely initiated contact anymore.

He hadn’t even replied to Justin’s angry voicemail about Babylon’s reopening ( _Why didn’t you tell me, fuck, Brian, I wanted to be there!)_ , and he had pretended he had ‘forgotten’ when Cynthia had passed a call through from Justin the next day without announcing him.

After that, the calls had been less frequent. There had barely been two that week. _Good,_ he thought, _let him go on with this life and forget about this hellhole._

But it was taking its toll on him. He slept miserably, he didn’t feel like eating much, he had a hard time focusing on the accounts. He was too tired to play the part of the detached, balanced man with people who knew to look behind the mask, so he had asked Cynthia to cancel his last lunch with Jennifer and he’d found an excuse to avoid ‘family diner’ at Deb’s. And that night, he had skipped Babylon altogether and returned to the loft. The table had felt large without a certain computer on it when he’d settled his briefcase on the surface, and he had consciously avoided opening the (empty) cupboards in the kitchen. He had hanged his costume in the bathroom, instead of putting it back in his (half-empty) closet. The shower had felt way too wide, and the echo in the large bathroom had creeped on his skin.

And there he was, at midnight on a clear, cool, early summer Friday night, maudlin on his bed.

_Pathetic._


	2. Chapter 2

**Justin POV**

 

Justin didn’t use the elevator. He wanted to postpone the moment a little longer. If Brian wasn’t at the loft, he had no idea where to look for him. And he still needed time to think, even if he’d had plenty of that in the fucking bus.

He’d gone through resolve, hope, despair, anger, resolve and hope again, and by the time he’d arrived at the bus station, with the dusk light slowly fading, he’d been back full circle to anger. His last conversation with Cynthia had revealed that Brian spent a lot of late nights at the office, so he’d gone there first. But the building was closed, and the Corvette was nowhere to be seen. He’d made a fruitless pit-stop at Woody’s, then at Babylon, but the bouncer had recognized him immediately and had told him that the Boss hadn’t showed up yet. So he’d made his way to Fremont.  The exhaustion from the hours-long trip in the cramped seat and his running around Pittsburgh was starting to make itself known, but there he was in front of the steel door, finally.

He felt determined again. He had an objective, and he would see it to its end. He didn’t knock, preferring to use his key. If Brian was with a trick, too bad for the guy. He would have to leave, fast, because Justin wanted answers and he _would_ get them.

He rolled the door to reveal the main room, the dark only alleviated by the low desk-lamp. He stepped in without a noise, closed the door and settled his small bag on the floor. Silence fell, but the scent of cigarette smoke was thick in the air, then a raspy voice came from the dark platform.

“How many times do I have to tell to knock before barging in, Mickey?”

“It’s not Michael.” Justin was proud of the steadiness of his voice.

Silence met his announcement, but the blue light above the bed clicked on, and he heard the shuffling of sheets.

When Brian appeared at the top of the stairs, hair rumpled, his half-naked silhouette haloed in the soft blue light, Justin’s throat constricted and the need to touch him almost took over him, but he managed to stay put.

“Hey. Didn’t expect you.”

Brian’s voice, calm and smooth, bellied the shock that had flashed on his features for a second and the tension in his steps as he made his way to the kitchen, skirting the counter on the opposite side of Justin. Justin didn’t move from his place as he followed Brian with his eyes.

“You thirsty?”, Brian said as he grabbed two bottles from the ( _probably empty_ ) fridge.

Justin’s disbelief at Brian’s passing acknowledgement of his presence had awakened his anger, but it was simmering low. He would not let Brian push his buttons and make him lose his temper. He was on a mission and he would get what he was here for. Brian held a bottle out to him, but Justin didn’t move a muscle. He kept his eyes riveted on the man, who simply cocked an eyebrow and set the bottle on the counter before casually settling his hip against it and taking a swig of his water. After a few moments of silence, apparently realizing Justin wouldn’t talk first, Brian let out an exasperated sigh.

“Did your visit actually had a purpose beside ogling my admittedly hot body?”

His tone was mocking and his eyeroll condescending, but there was something uncomfortable in the way his fingers were clenching around his bottle.

“You know exactly why I’m here.” Justin replied calmly.

“Let me guess. You forgot something, and it just couldn’t wait for a delivery?”

“No.”

“You couldn’t find anyone in New York who could fuck you like I can?” His tone had turned cocky, challenging.

_True. But that’s not the point._

“No.”

“Oh. Then I know. You had a big, bad, nasty gallery owner reject you, _again_ , and you came running home to mommy.” Brian’s words were cruel, biting, and Justin’s eyes widened at his nasty smirk. “Because if that’s why, Justin, I’m not interested. I don’t do losers.”

 _Ouch._ Justin managed to keep his temper in check. He wouldn’t allow Brian to have a raise on him.

“It’s not why I’m here.”

“Oh, really? Then would you mind finally telling me _why the fuck you are?_ ”

Brian’s anger was finally out, and he’d leaned toward Justin as he roared. Justin stood his ground, and planted his eyes in Brian’s.

“Don’t try to intimidate me, Brian, it won’t work.”

“What about if I throw you out on your ass?”

“You won’t, so cut it out, and tell me why you’re trying to push me away again.” _Good. Keep calm. Keep your voice steady._

“Ohhhh, aren’t we so full of ourselves.” Brian started pacing listlessly. “Despite what you think, the world does not revolve around you, _Sunshine._ ”

Despite the sting of his nickname being yielded as a slur against him, Justin remained silent as Brian walked to the sofa and turned around.

“You can’t always take the easy route and come running back every time things don’t go according to plan or when something’s too hard and you can’t do it-” he started angrily.

“I can do it”. Justin infused as much self-assurance as he could to say it.

Brian stopped pacing and fixed him.

“What?”

Justin took a large breath and squared his shoulders before returning his gaze.

“You said ‘ _can’t’_. Can’t implies that I’m incapable of. I am capable of it. It’s just that I _won’t_.” Justin watched as Brian took his own words being parroted back at him. If his snarl was any indication, he didn’t like that. _Don’t seem that clever when they’re directed at you, do they?_

“You _won’t_? You won’t become a world-famous artist? Tell that to someone who believes you, Justin.”

“Oh, not that. That, I can, and I will.”, he replied with a smug smile. “What I _won’t_ do, though, is do it without you.”

“Yes, you will.” Brian’s tone was firm, definitive.

“No, I won’t.” Justin replied in the same tone.

“You don’t need me.”

 _False._ “True. I don’t need you. But I want you, and I _will_ have you.”

Brian looked at him quizzically at that statement, and seemed to lose his footing for a second. But a smirk formed on his face.

“Or what? You won’t ever talk to me again?” he said mockingly.

“No. That would be playing your hand, and I’m not that dumb. If I don’t have you, then I’ll come back.”

Brian’s face paled and his eyes widened. _Touché._

“No, you won’t.”

“Try me.”

The assurance in his voice had Brian pacing again. Three long steps to the bedroom, pause, turn around, three steps back. He stopped six feet from Justin, close enough to tower above him but too far to be reached, as if he felt he would be entering dangerous waters. His voice was low, raspy, almost threatening.

“You won’t do that. And if you do, I won’t take you back. I told you before, and I’m telling you again: I’m no replacement. I am no consolation prize for anyone not ballsy enough to go after his life dream.” His tone was glacial and his jaws set, but Justin could see the uncertainty in his posture.

“You dare tell me about bravery, Brian?” Justin tried to keep his voice cool and even, but he could hear the anger in his own words. “You’re so fucking scared about pulling me back you stopped trying to make our situation, shitty as it is, work at the first opportunity. You disengaged, like a coward. Don’t you tell me about courage or ambition when _I_ am the one _ballsy_ enough to go after _both_ my life dreams and _you_ are the one letting go.”

Justin had stepped closer as he spoke and he could feel the tension in the man’s body, the fight-or-flight response warring in his muscles. But Brian didn’t move.

“I have had _three months_ to think, Brian, and I’ve concluded that I am a greedy little bastard. I want the art, and I want _you._ If it means I have to leave New York to be with you and carve my path into the artworld from here, so be it. I’m not afraid, I will do it. And I _will_ succeed in _both_ endeavors, if I have to drag you there kicking and screaming. I’m still onto you, _Mr Kinney_ , and I’m not about to quit.”

He had stepped inside Brian’s personal space as he talked, and he murmured the last part near his jaw, their bodies and face only a breath apart.

He could feel Brian’s chest expand as he inhaled deeply. He saw his hands flex at his sides, and his eyes fix a point somewhere over his shoulder.

“What if I don’t want you?” he finally whispered.

 “Tell that to someone who believes you, _mon amour_. _”_ Justin replied smugly.

Brian sighed, chuckled, and finally looked down at him. His aggravated pout was contradicted by his fond eyes.

“You are a greedy, persistent little brat.”

“And you are a stubborn, prideful old queen, but I love you anyways.” Justin replied with a wide smile. “Now, will you shut up and kiss me?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit warning definitely applies here....

**Justin  
**

 

Brian did kiss him, his arms coming immediately around Justin and pulling him in. Justin could not get enough of his lips, his tongue, his breath, and over all the scent of him that made him high and crazy with lust.

Despite the strong arms around him, he felt like he could never be close enough, like even crawling into Brian’s skin would not satiate his craving of him, his need to be with him and to get lost in him. Justin grabbed at Brian’s neck, bringing them even closer, their mouths devouring each other, their tongues meeting, teasing, coming together in a maddening dance. He could feel Brian’s hands clutching at him, at his back, his shoulders, his neck, his face, his sides, his arms tightening their embrace until no space, yet too much space still was left between them.

Justin gasped for air when Brian’s lips left his to attack his neck, his jaw, his ear with kisses, bites, licks, when his snarls turned almost feral, and he pushed at him to move as his hands instinctively grasped his lover’s chest, leaving nail marks on his flawless, hot skin. Brian hissed “ _Bed, now_ ”, but Justin was too far gone, too impatient and he made quick work of Brian’s yoga pants as he let himself fall down on his knees. When Brian’s beautiful, thick, perfect cock was released from the light garment, he couldn’t help but bury his face in the space between his thigh and groin and inhale deeply, greedily, to fill his lungs with the heady, mouth-watering, masculine scent of him. Justin felt like he could spend his life, an eternity there, embedded in that warmth, his lips skimming on Brian’s soft, silky skin and never get tired.

The delicious sensation of Brian’s fingers burying in his hair and massaging his scalp aimlessly, followed by a low, throaty moan pushed him to bend lower, to bring his nose to Brian’s tight balls and rest his lips there for an instant before slowly taking them, one after the other, in his mouth and massaging them with his tongue. Brian groaned above him and Justin couldn’t help but to look up from his position on the floor. The spectacle was breathtaking. To see Brian so lost in the sensation, his eyes closed, his teeth sinking in in lower lip brought a shiver of pleasure to Justin’s spine.

He slowly liked a path from Brian’s balls to the thick vein of his cock, up to his leaking head, where he lightly pushed his tongue in the slit before moving down again and placing suckling kisses on his length. He took his time, slowly caressing the skin on Brian’s inner thigh as he did, relishing the goosebumps his motions incited and the feeling of the vein pulsing under his lips, before he fondled delicately at his balls and took his length in. Brian buckled at the sensation, a groan escaping his lips, and Justin moaned around him, savoring his weight on his tongue, the smoothness and taste of his cock as it filled his mouth. He took him deep, his jaws relaxed, and pulled back two, three times, unhurriedly, letting Brian feel the heat of his mouth before he went back to the head and _sucked_ with all he had. Brian’s groans turned into whimpers and utterances of his name, softly, then louder, harder as he came closer and closer to the edge.  Justin felt the tension in Brian’s thigh when his pleasure peaked and he took him to the root as he moaned around his length. The roar Brian made when he climaxed was guttural, primal and Justin swallowed avidly, until he was spent and the hard-painful-heavenly grip on his hair relaxed.

As he slowly let Brian pull out of his mouth, he grabbed at his waist and helped him get down on his knees then lie on the floor before he kissed him deeply, hungrily, letting him taste himself of his tongue.

Brian’s breath was short, his features lax in bliss, his smile spent but soft, and Justin could only press his lips on every inch of the skin under him to prevent his eyes from watering at the sight. As he moved to reach Brian’s jaw, his aching dick still imprisoned in his pants rubbed against Brian’s thigh, and hazel eyes opened and fixed him.

“I would reciprocate, Dear, but it appears you killed me. We’ll have to find another way to put you out of your misery.”

“Don’t worry for that.” Justin replied in a murmur, pushing his groin against his warm leg to create the delicious friction he so desperately needed. He knew he wouldn’t last long, even with his jeans in the ways.

“Your cock’s well-being is of the utmost importance to me, Sunshine.” Brian replied cockily. “And seeing you’re not a teenager anymore, it wouldn’t befit you to come into your pants like one.” He took Justin’s hand where it rested on his chest and brought it down between his legs. “I’m feeling particularly generous tonight, so why don’t you _come in_?”

The way he punctuated his last words as he bent the leg not weighed down under Justin’s body and pushed Justin’s hand behind his balls had the blond looking up with a slack jaw.

Brian didn’t add anything, just looked at him pointedly, something like humor in his eyes. He left Justin’s hand where it rested snugly between his legs, and lifted both his arms above his head to take the most wanton, debauched, tantalizing pose Justin had ever seen. He looked hot as all hell with a devilish glint in his smile, and Justin’s brain fried, then rebooted as he took in the situation. His smile must have been that of a lunatic as he started to move his fingers lightly on Brian’s perineum, but he didn’t care because the man closed his eyes and sighed softly.

He caressed the soft, warm skin in tentative, light touches, making long passes in the tight space, and he felt Brian’s hips move slightly to widen his legs and shift his pelvis to ease access. Justin continued at that pace, always skirting Brian’s pucker, before an impatient puff of air on his cheek incited him to move and rise on his knees. When he felt him move away, Brian opened his eyes and raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Do. Not. Move.” Justin ordered with a peck on Brian’s lips, and he clambered to his feet to go fetch a cushion from the sofa, as well as the utilities he knew were in a box conveniently placed under the side table. As he looked for the damned box ( _it was there last time!_ ), he heard Brian’s teasing voice.

“Whenever you feel like it, Sunshine.”

Justin threw him the cushion in retaliation and returned to his quest. When he finally found what he was looking for ( _what the fuck is it doing under the couch?)_ , he yelped in triumph, and turned around with the condom and lube brandished as trophies, only to find Brian chuckling in amusement. He took a second to absorb the sight– Brian’s perfect body laid on the dark wooden floor, his legs opened invitingly, arms splayed above his head, hair mussed, miles of beautiful glistening skin, smile wide -  before the man spoke with a mock-scowl.

“Do you plan on actually fucking me sometimes this century?”

That kicked Justin’s butt back in gear, and he almost tripped on his own feet as he tried to take his clothes off while getting back to his lover. Brian’s eyes hadn’t left him, and he chuckled again at his klutziness.

“You really are like an overgrown puppy, sometimes.”

Justin had finally managed to get naked, and he fell down on his knees to silence Brian with a languorous kiss.

“You know what? I admit I am. And puppies are eager, enthusiastic, and more importantly”, he bit Brian’s nipple as he made his way down his chest, “they’re _relentless.”_

With that, he lifted Brian’s hips to push the cushion comfortably under, and with a wink, started massaging his perineum again. But this time his movements were more pointed, and he reached his hole faster. As a retaliation for Brian’s earlier teasing, he let a dribble of cold, wet lube fall at his opening, and the man hissed and shivered satisfyingly.

Not wanting to let the torture go on for too long (or, worse, risking Brian changing his mind), Justin immediately started rubbing the spot to warm the lube and ease the tense muscles at Brian’s entrance. He massaged slowly, never letting his eyes leave Brian’s face, observing every single twitch of his closed eyelids, of his lips and every expression passing on his features.  When he felt Brian’s legs open a little wider, he slowly, delicately let his pointer finger breach him and paused there. He could feel the tight ring of his rim around his knuckle, and held his breath when Brian’s hazel eyes opened slowly to settle on his. Justin didn’t speak, he simply let his eyes do the talking and Brian’s lips eased into a soft smile as Justin saw as much as felt his body relax and welcome the intrusion.

He kept his motions slow, gentle as he let his finger sink deeper in the stifling heat and caressed the smooth, velvety skin inside his lover’s body. Brian closed his eyes again, let his head fall to the side and brought a hand down to caress his own torso as Justin started peppering the side of his chest with kisses. He slowly retracted his finger until only the tip remained inside, and brought a second one near Brian’s rim, skimming the muscle delicately, letting it flutter before pushing in smoothly, both fingers pausing deep inside.

He watched avidly as Brian’s back arched and his breath hitched before he relaxed minutely. His skin was damp, glistening in sweat in the half-light coming from the bedroom, his features a delicate carving of shadows. His moan as Justin resumed the slow motions inside his body made Justin’s hair stand up at his nape and his skin crawl with want. He was harder than ever, his blood was buzzing in his ears, but he kept a firm grip on himself. He wanted to savor the moment, relish the rare opportunity and chance of Brian handing him full control, and make it unforgettable for the both of them.

Brian’s cock was straining again against his belly, and Justin watched in fascination as a drop of precome beaded at the slit. As he continued moving his fingers, increasing the depth of his pushes and scissoring gently, he bent to collect the clear liquid with the tip of his tongue. The unexpected sensation made Brian’s body arch brusquely, and the jolt pushed Justin’s fingers more firmly against his walls.

“Justin!” he gasped, as he eyes opened wide. His gaze was unfocused, lost, until Justin reached his free hand to stroke his cheek, to ground him. He shifted to press his forehead against Brian’s and whispered “Shh, I’ve got you” before placing a kiss on his slack lips. He kept their faces close as he slowly worked a third finger in, watching as Brian’s brow furrowed and his eyes glazed over, his lips opening around a silent moan.

Justin had to refrain his instinct to rut mindlessly against Brian’s thigh, and he slowed his fingers’ movement to let him adjust. He was so tight, the pressure against Justin’s fingers a soft, insanely hot vise constricting and relaxing, gradually decreasing but snug nonetheless. He kept his fingers unmoving, drinking in his lover’s face, until he felt the pressure loosen and the measured shift of Brian’s hips wordlessly allowing him to go on. He watched in awe as Brian reopened his eyes slowly, unveiling bright, thin hazel rings around his wide pupils, and grinned.

Justin couldn’t help the flow of love in his chest, nor the pike of his blood boiling in his veins, and he pushed his face into Brian’s neck, in the soft spot where he could drown into his intoxicating scent, as he crooked his fingers slightly. The resulting goosebumps rising on Brian’s skin under his lips made him heady. He managed to keep his motions steady and controlled as he kept on opening him, as he kept on watching his chest rising irregularly with his breath and his moans every time he brushed on the tiny nub of nerves inside of him.

After what could have been hours, Brian’s hips started shifting more pointedly, rotating slowly as if to bring Justin’s fingers even deeper, and Justin moved again to kiss him. Their breath mingled hotly as their lips met unhurriedly but forcefully, and Justin would have stayed there, lost in the softness and warmth of Brian’s kiss if his cock hadn’t brushed against his hip again. The contact rushed to his head, and he couldn’t think anymore. He used his free hand to search around for the condom, grabbed it, and opened it with his teeth. At the crinkle of the wrapper, Brian brought the hand he’d settled behind Justin’s neck down and picked it from Justin’s lips, before pulling his body up and rolling it on his leaking cock as their eyes met. The feeling of his fingers tightening around him was torture for Justin, and he had to close his eyes and breathe deeply for a second. When he opened his eyes again, Brian was looking at him with a smug expression, so Justin crooked his fingers against his prostate and was rewarded with a deep groan.

He slowly pulled his fingers out, and as Brian whimpered, lubed his sheathed cock as fast and thoroughly as he could before settling down between his legs.  Brian raised them calmly, almost lazily, his beautiful abs working mesmerizingly under his skin to bring them around Justin’s waist. His expression was so open, so trusting, that Justin had to pause for an instant. He knew what he had with Brian was unique. He knew he was the only man Brian allowed to claim ownership on that part of his body, and Justin felt overwhelmed. So much so that he gave in to his need to be as close as possible and he bent down to take Brian’s lips with his as he slid inside. Their moans mingled at the push and Justin captured Brian’s long exhale in his lungs as he penetrated him fully in one long, steady move. As he paused to process the tight-snug-hot-heavenly sensation and to let Brian adjust, Justin could feel the rapid beating of Brian’s heart against his chest, his warm hands where the gripped his shoulders, and his fluttering eyelids against his cheek.

Before he could fully accommodate to the sensory overload, Brian tightened his legs around his waist, brought his hands down on his ass and using both, pulled Justin even deeper inside of him with a whimper. Justin felt like screaming, like his mind was reaping at the seams. He could feel sweat beading at his forehead, shivers in his muscles and the trembling in his thighs as he resisted the ache to move, to take, to claim. He could already feel the fire licking his backbone and his toes curl, and the erratic thumping of his heart in his ribcage.

He cradled his arms around Brian’s head, closed his hands in his silky, sweaty hair and groaned in his neck as he finally allowed himself to move. Brian didn’t relax the pressure of his hands on his ass, pulling him closer, further, deeper, and Justin let him, burying his cock as far as humanely possible in the warm, close sheath of Brian’s body, pausing, moving in again, and again, in long, interminable pushes.

He could feel Brian’s breath on his overheated skin, the unconscious rolling of his neck between his arms as he took Justin’s cock in, his gasped exhales as he pulled out, his moans as Justin found his prostate and pushed deliberately, relentlessly. His low, raspy voice murmured his name, _Justin, Justin_ in his ear, tenderly, brokenly, urgently and Justin gave in, pushing faster, deeper into the heat, grabbing Brian’s hair and bringing his eyes to his, unwilling to let any expression escape him. He lost himself in the gaze, in Brian’s wide, glazed eyes as their lips brushed, bitingly, lovingly and as they rushed together to the edge. When Justin felt Brian’s body seize under him, he kissed him, _hard_ , gulping his cry of ecstasy, letting the warmth spreading between their bodies ground him through Brian’s climax, before finally letting go.

His spent body slumped against Brian’s, their hearts twin staccatos in their chest, their breaths ragged and short. He could feel Brian’s weak, small kisses on his temple and his own hand petting Brian’s skin at his waist. Strength gradually returned to his lose muscles, and he made to pull out of his lover’s body when Brian’s hand on his back stopped him. He didn’t move his hips, placing a light kiss on Brian’s chest, then his lips. The kiss was languid, tender, and Brian’s hand left his butt, allowing Justin to pull out slowly, their moans smothered by their joined lips.

Justin took care of the condom and settled back down, half on Brian’s chest, half on the cool wooden floor as their breath settled. Brian took his hand and started mindlessly playing with his fingers, lulling Justin into closing his eyes to bathe and relish in the rhythm of his strong heartbeat under his head. Brian’s soft, clear voice rang in the silence round them.

“I hope I made it clear that I am a greedy little asshole too.”

“I never doubted it.” Justin replied in his chest.

“Good. Then don’t you think it would be a splendid idea to move from my outrageously expensive but seriously uncomfortable floor and make our merry way to my equally outrageously expensive but comfortable foam mattress, before my back kills me?”

“Old man.”

“Says the brat who was pounding me into the floor five minutes ago.”

“Poor you.”

“You’ll be the one pulling splinters off my delicate butt tomorrow.” Brian said as he finally hauled himself up, pulling Justin with him.

They kissed languorously for a long moment, before Brian stepped back to move toward the bedroom. Before he could turn around, Justin put his hand firmly on his forearm and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Brian, you have to promise me something.”

Brian’s face sobered.

“You know I don’t make promises I can’t keep.”

“That’s why I want you to promise, because then you’ll be forced to do anything to keep it.” Justin said, his gaze locked on his face. The man raised an eyebrow.

“You won’t put anymore bullshit like that, Brian, you hear me? I love you, and we’ll make it work, _together_.”

Brian looked at him fixedly, his eyes searching.

“At least try?” Justin pleaded.

After a second, Brian huffed aggravatedly, but with a fond smile on his lips.

“Ok, I promise.”

Justin exhaled in relief.

“Good. Now let’s go to bed, where you will give me a massage.” He said determinedly.

“Oh, really? Were you the one on your back on the hard floor?”

“Yes, really. I might not have been the one on the hard floor, but it’s your fault I spent 7 hours in a cramped bus next to a snoring old man.”

“You’re telling me you regret coming?”

“Never.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Brian POV, next morning**

 

Something in his foggy state of consciousness told him he was awake, but Brian didn’t want to open his eyes and realize his half-sleeping mind had tricked him, again.  He could feel a warmth against his chest, pressed to him by his curled arm. He could smell hints of citrus and rosemary, and the softness of skin under his palm. He could almost hear the soothing sounds of breathing. The illusion was perfect, and Brian let his body and mind revel in it. He tightened his hold on the form _(a cushion?)_ and snuggled against it, his mind flooding with images of a sunny smile and sea-blue eyes.

The motion shifted his head on the cushion, and he felt a tickling on his face. Wrinkling his nose, he tried to dissipate the annoying sensation, to no avail. The tickling brought him gradually closer to the surface, until he sighed, illusion gone. He slowly blinked his eyes open, to the wondrous sight of a blond head resting right next to his on the cushion.

Justin.

There was no mistaking the silky-soft hair nor the ivory skin for any cheap trick. It had been months, if not years since he’d had anyone at the loft, even longer since he’d allowed anyone but Justin to spend the night. And he’d never held any other man in sleep.   

Brian smiled and snuggled closer to his lover’s sleeping body, fitting his long legs closer to Justin’s, embracing, cradling him fully against him. He inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes, letting the smell of Justin’s shampoo fill his lungs, and pushed his nose against his nape, in the warmth and smoothness of the delicate skin there, as he allowed his brain to adjust to the reality of his lover’s presence in his bed. The slow cadence of Justin’s breaths lulled him back in a semi-conscious state.

Images and sensations of the night before passed slowly behind his closed eyelids. The marvelous sight and shock of Justin standing in the doorway. The resolve in his eyes. His calm, cool voice as he gave Brian no choice. The shape of him in Brian’s arms as he’d finally given in. The relief of his kisses on Brian’s starving lips. Brian tightened his arms around Justin’s waist at the memories.

The shift awoke a twinge in his back, an unusual but pleasant soreness, and it brought another smile to his lips. He’d craved Justin so much, he’d been so thirsty for his body after being deprived of it for so long that he had given in to a primal urge. He had wanted to be as close as humanely possible, to have his body be filled by the man as much as his brain was.  He chuckled under his breath at the memory of Justin’s disbelieving eyes when he’d caught up to Brian. It still felt strange that Justin would still be surprised to be allowed to top. How could he be surprised when he was the only man Brian really trusted with every part of him, when he was the one who had chipped at Brian’s walls? When he had shown him, once again, that he wasn’t fooled by Brian’s tough act?

It had been a spur of the moment decision, to give his body what it really craved. To open himself in every way possible to Justin. To show him that he was allowed in under the wire, more than allowed, that he was welcome there.  To use his body as proof, more than his words could ever say. To prove that he meant it, as his words could only fail to do.

The phantom sensation of Justin inside him blew on the embers in his gut and he could feel his body react. He could still feel his fingers grazing his perineum softly, the maddening tease of his fingertips on his rim. The pyre that had burnt as Justin had prepped him, his loving, lusty eyes on him as he breached him. The delirious feeling of being full, complete when Justin had finally pushed inside, the reassuring cradle of his arms around Brian’s head, his soft fingers buried in his hair. The craving for more, always more, deeper, until he was overwhelmed by the sensation of losing himself, of not knowing where he ended and Justin started. The lovely sounds Justin had made as he buried himself to the hilt, his pants and moans in Brian’s ears.

Brian shifted again as his brain regaled him with images of the moment, and he pressed his groin slowly against Justin’s ass. He could feel his dick grow and stiffen, but it wasn't urgent yet, just the sweet sensation of warmth and lust licking his veins, smoldering gently under his skin, as his mind relived the pleasurable memory of Justin driving into him, of his short breath on his lips, of the maddening friction on his cock trapped between their sweaty bodies. Of the openness between them, nothing held back, nothing hidden, just the purest form of connection. _Of love_ , he allowed his mind to admit.

As the memory of his orgasm came back, so did the urge to find that connection again, and he pushed a little more forcefully against Justin's warm, languid form, and started peppering light kisses on the white, soft skin of his neck. He moved his hand slightly around the man's waist, bringing it on his stomach, caressing the silky skin there as he fit his knees behind Justin's and felt his cock find its natural place in the snug place between his cheeks.

The change in Justin’s breathing pattern, a small hitch of breath, a slow exhale, informed him the man was coming closer to the surface. He could see the fluttering of his closed eyelids, the calm expression of sleep giving way to a flush on his cheekbones. He could feel the slow, small, unconscious rolling of Justin’s hips against him, and the tension in the muscles under his hand, as his cock was twitching in interest. A small moan escaped his lips and his body shifted to press closer to the friction on his ass, to the touches on his stomach, to the lips on his neck. Brian kept his motions subtle, languid. He was in no hurry, and he wanted to relish the moment, with that man in his arms, in his bed, for as long as he could. A warm, lazy smile eventually appeared on Justin’s lips, and his eyes opened calmly.

“Bri?” he said he a gravelly, sleep-addled voice.

“Morning, Dear.” Brian murmured in his neck as he rubbed his cock against his ass. “Time to rise and shine.”

 “Something has risen alright.” Justin chuckled lightly and pushed back against Brian’s crotch.

“Has it, now?” Brian replied with a slow caress to Justin’s own stiffening length.

The blond moaned and closed his eyes again as Brian pressed lightly and took him in his palm. Brian returned to placing slow kisses on his neck as he made his hand in a loose circle for Justin to slide into, and they stayed like that for a minute or two, pressing against each other, reveling in the growing warmth and comfort of the bed as their bodies woke unhurriedly.

Brian saw Justin open his eyes again, and suddenly the blond was sitting up with a yelp.

“Oh fuck, did you see the time? I’m late!”

“Wha-”

Brian’s brain didn’t compute the brutal change in mood, but his arm unconsciously tightened around Justin’s waist as he tried to get up.

“Brian, let me go, I have to rush out or I won’t make it!” the blond said as he managed to wiggle out of Brian’s grasp and stand up.

“Make it where?” he managed to say.

“To the bus station! Have you seen my jeans?” Justin replied impatiently. Brian motioned vaguely in the direction of the kitchen, and Justin walked down the stairs with a huff as he kept on talking. “I have to get in the 10 a.m. bus if I want to be on time for he dinner shift!”

Brian slowly sat up himself and rubbed his face with a tired hand. He sent a regretful look to his neglected hard-on and got up. He didn’t bother with a sheet as he made his way to the top of the stairs, and stood there naked, looking at his agitated partner as he rushed around, trying to collect his clothes where he’d flung them the night before.

Justin was turning in a circle, a lone sock in hand, obviously looking for its twin, when Brian finally spoke.

“I thought you were staying for the weekend.”

Justin stopped to look at him regretfully.

“Hmmm, I wish, but I have to work to pay for my half of rent.”

“So you came here only for the night?” Brian couldn’t quite believe Justin would spend so much time in a cramped bus for the opportunity to talk to him, not even knowing if it would be successful. 

“Well, someone had to kick some sense into you.” The blond replied with a grin, and started looking for his lost sock again.

“On the sofa.” Brian indicated, and was rewarded with a thankful smile.

He watched as Justin jumped on one foot as he put his sock on. Even in such a disheveled state, his jeans half-done, his hair in a golden nest around his face, his chest naked and a single sock on, he was still the most beautiful sight Brian had ever seen. And he wasn’t ready to let him go, not yet, not after such a short time.

“Hold on a second.” He said without thinking.

“Hmm?” Justin replied as he picked his t-shirt from the kitchen counter.

“Justin, look at me.” Brian said more forcefully.

The blond looked up from the t-shirt’s neck and smiled his sunniest smile.

“Brian, believe me, the sight of you naked makes me drool, but I really have to rush out.”

“No, you don’t. Stay for the weekend.”

Justin’s smile faltered, and he stepped closer to the stairs, garment forgotten half-on around his neck.

“Brian, I can’t. I just started working there, and if I don’t show up-”

“Call in sick.”

“Bri-”

“Call in sick. Say your allergies are acting up with the pollution, and promise you’ll work on your off-day next week.” Brian insisted.

“But there’s no bus tomorrow-”

“You’ll go back by plane.”

Justin looked at him, brow furrowed, and opened his mouth to protest. Brian didn’t let him.

“Didn’t you say it was my fault you had to come all the way here? It’s only natural you let me do that, please.”

He saw Justin’s jaw work and the tension in his shoulders.

“Justin. I’ll book the ticket right away. You’ll take the afternoon flight, and you’ll be in time for the dinner shift Sunday night. It’s just two shifts, they can survive without you.” Brian knew he sounded somewhat desperate, but he had to try. He wanted more time. Just one more night before they had to part again.

He held his breath as Justin looked down with a defeated expression. He’d pushed all his chips in, now the game was in Justin’s hand.  Finally, the man brought his head up and planted his eyes in Brian’s. A slow smile appeared on his lips. 

“Okay.” He simply said.

Brian sighed and smiled.

“Good. Now call your boss while I book your flight.”

Brian made his way to his desk and booted his computer as Justin started looking around anew, in search of his phone this time. He squirmed slightly on the chair when his naked butt touched the leather, but the small discomfort was nothing compared to the relief he felt in his chest at the perspective of having a few more hours with Justin. As he made quick work of logging into Air Liberty's website and looking up the latest flight possible, he saw Justin retrieve his cell from his forgotten bag by the door. He focused back on his search, but his ear caught Justin's fake cough as he warned his boss of his absence. _Thank God he's a good painter_ , he thought, _he would have made a shitty actor_. As he completed the booking, his finger hovered over the mouse in hesitation for a second. Then he clicked on the confirmation for his usual booking preference, and selected his personal credit card from the payment option. Just as he was about to print the e-ticket, he felt warm arms settle around his shoulders and a nuzzle in his neck.

 “I called Maria and she was really understanding. Turns out her son has allergies too, and he’s been bed-ridden for the past couple of days, so she bought the excuse and told me to rest.”

“See? I told you.”

“Yeah, but I kinda feel bad, now.” The blond said guiltily.

“Don’t. You’ll make it up to her another time.”

Brian clicked on the printing icon to give Justin the e-ticket as the blond looked over his shoulder at the screen. He felt him squeeze his shoulders.

“Brian, did you seriously book me a business class seat?”

“Well, of course, I can’t let you travel in any form of discomfort when you’re so sick, Dear.” He replied cheekily.

He heard Justin chuckle.

“You shouldn’t have.”

“I put you on my frequent traveler card, so it actually credits miles on my account.” He teased, before he added seriously. “And I wanted to.”

Justin kissed his cheek, and brushed his nose against the tender spot behind his ear.

“I’ll have to thank you for that.” He said in a husky voice.

Brian shivered a bit at the sensation, and tilted his head to give him more room as he relaxed in the chair and let his legs fall apart. His cock, that had flagged slightly during their talk, was starting to show a renewed interest in the proceedings.

“Don’t let me stop you.” He replied, voice dark, and grabbed Justin’s hand as he turned the chair around to face him.

Justin had a wide smile on his face, and Brian just had to grab his neck and press his lips to the blond’s. The craving he’d felt the night before for Justin’s body was back full force, and if Justin’s moans were any indication, the feeling was mutual. He quickly divested Justin of his t-shirt and shoved his pants open with an impatient motion, but he had to laugh out loud when Justin engaged in a silly one-foot dance as he took his socks off. The twat was ridiculous and hilarious when he had no self-awareness like that, and Brian loved it, loved the levity and humor they managed to keep even in their sexiest, hottest moments. He’d only ever known that with Justin, and it was a big part of his incapacity to let go of the blond from the get-go.

The second Justin was fully naked, Brian grabbed his waist, pulled him in his lap, and returned his mouth to the man's lips. He couldn't kiss him enough, he couldn't have too much of his lips, his skin, his warmth, his lean, strong chest. The forceful pull brought their crotches together where Justin straddled him, and they both moaned at the friction. Justin pulled back just enough to attack his neck with bites and kisses, nuzzling behind his ear and licking the spot delicately, and Brian was done. He gathered enough thought to pull the handle of his seat in order to lower it down and allow Justin's shorter legs to reach the ground, thus providing some leverage to his delicious thrusts. He lost himself in the sensation, in the scent and feeling of the beautiful body moving above him, and couldn't help but mutter his name softly. Justin paused for a breath, looked at him with half-lidded, lust-filled eyes and laughed happily, kissing him deeply and he renewed his movement. After a moment, Justin brought their heads closer and whispered throatily in his ear.

“I want you inside, _now_.”

The request made a shiver run through Brian's spine, and he reached behind him to open the drawer on the desk. A few fumbling seconds after, he came up empty-handed and growled.

“What?”, Justin asked as he stopped his ministrations on Brian’s neck.

“Bedroom, now.”

“Yesterday I couldn't find the one near the couch, now here, what with the moving stacks?” the blond enquired as Brian pulled him to his feet and dragged him to the bedroom.

“You want me to fuck you or you want to talk?”

That got him moving. But it didn't stop him talking, even when Brian pushed him on the bed and climbed over him.

“Seriously, what with it?”

“I didn't refill the drawer.” Brian finally replied in aggravation.

“You didn't- do you want to push Trojan into bankruptcy?”

“Ah ah, stop talking and pass me the lube, or do you want me dry?”

“Here.” Justin said as he grabbed the tube from the side table. “No, seriously, Brian, tell me.”

Brian didn't answer and kissed him instead, pushing a lubed finger in Justin's tight hole, in the hope it would cut his train of thoughts. He didn't want to admit that he'd had no one at the loft, and no cyber-sex beside the times where he'd had Justin on the phone and was too lazy or too horny to move to the bedroom. He'd had no need to refill the stocks near his desk or sofa lately. He still had a well-filled bowl near the bed - untouched since Justin had left- and the stack in the bathroom to fill his pocket with when he left for Babylon, but that was it. Justin certainly didn't need to know.

Thankfully, the tactics worked and Justin forgot above t the conversation as he took Brian's finger with a moan, and soon the thoughts disappeared from Brian's head, lost in the blond's sighs.

Brian made a quick and thorough work of the preparation, too turned on to tease. Justin didn't seem to mind, and started moving his hips impatiently, murmuring “now”, repeatedly, until he snapped and, grabbing a condom from the bowl on the side table, he threw it to Brian with a " _now_!"

With a chuckle, Brian complied and rolled the condom on his cock, circling his base in a tight grip to defuse the tension. When he saw Justin start to roll on his chest, he stopped him midway, and slid behind him, cushioning his head with an arm and pulling him to his front with the other. Back to where they had begun, what seemed an eternity but couldn't have been more than half an hour ago.

Guiding himself with a steady hand, Brian slowly eased halfway into Justin’s entrance before gripping his hip. The shivering exhale from Justin mingled with his own moan, and he secured his embrace around the man’s head, putting his lips on his neck, before pushing all the way in. He could barely breathe or think under the overwhelming assault of sensations ( _hot-tight-good_ ) and he paused, letting Justin adjust to his girth. The blond’s body was warm against his chest, and Brian captured the bead of sweat making its appearance on his nape with his lips before the man turned his head around and grabbed his neck to silently request a kiss. It was open-mouthed and more breath than tongue, but the added connection satisfied something primal inside Brian. As Brian started moving in slow, shallow thrusts, Justin tilted his face back on a moan and Brian felt it resonating under his mouth where it had latched at his throat. When Justin turned his head into the pillow to stifle a groan, Brian’s hand grabbed Justin’s where it laid on the sheets and intertwined their fingers to ground him in the moment, in the bond between them. He couldn’t get enough contact with the man, their skin touching from chest to knees still wasn’t enough, and he gripped Justin’s hand tightly, making sure the man knew it was him, only him Brian was fucking, not some nameless, faceless trick, that he was _there_ , with Justin, lost in the same shared moment.

His thrusts were becoming deeper and faster as his need for release grew, and Brian brought their joined hands on Justin’s hip again just as he curled his arms around the blond’s chest. Using the added contact as leverage, he slowly rolled on his back, hoisting Justin’s lithe body with him until he was fully reclining on him. Justin cried out in pleasure as the move drove Brian’s cock directly on his prostate, and his head started trashing where it was nestled in Brian’s neck, but Brian stopped it with a hand at his throat and kissed his sweaty temple as he resumed his thrusts. His bended knees between Justin’s sprawled legs allowed him to drive fully into his lover, and the man’s wanton moans, as well as the tantalizing display of his body as it was shamelessly exposed drove Brian crazy with lust. He didn’t try to slow down or prolong the moment, he was too far gone for that. He thrusted forcefully, relentlessly into Justin, securing his body against his chest and giving in to the urge to mark him as his, to complete the connection between them. Justin’s moans and pants echoed his own where he tried to smother them in the blond’s neck, their joined right hands pressed so tight on his hip they would probably leave a trace of Justin’s ivory skin, the scent of sex so thick in the air it was stifling. Just as Brian felt the tingle of his imminent orgasm, he felt Justin’s left hand leave his hair, where it had tangled in the throes of pleasure, and grip his leaking cock in a tight fist. The view of his lover’s moving hand echoed the tension he felt in the body above his, and it was only a second before Justin’s back arched and his come splattered on his stomach. The tightening of Justin’s muscles around his cock, the tremors of his skin where it touched Brian’s and most of all, his cry of ecstasy were enough to push him off the edge, and he let himself go as blood rushed to his ears and white spots flashed behind his closing lids.    

It might have been an hour, or an instant before Brian’s heart calmed down sufficiently for him to open his eyes again, but when he did it was to the magnificent view of Justin’s languid body still reclining on him. Justin’s chest was still moving in fast, shallow breaths, but his weight felt like a warm, secure blanket on Brian, and he closed his arms around Justin, nuzzling his neck and breathing the musky scent of him in as he reveled in the proximity. After a moment Justin started moving his heavy, sex-addled limbs, but Brian didn’t want to lose the contact just yet so he slowly, carefully rolled them back on their sides, and he felt Justin push back against his chest with a satisfied sigh. It would qualify as cuddling, if Brian hadn’t learnt his lesson and dared use the term out loud. But he didn’t, electing to stay silent and relish the warmth and contentment of their embrace, as he placed a single kiss on Justin’s shoulder and felt the blond’s lip on his forearm where it cradled his head.

He felt as much as he saw Justin drift into slumber, his breath slowing and deepening, his limbs growing lax and heavy, and he waited a few moments before easing out of his body as delicately as he could. He managed to free his arm without disturbing him, and gently moved out of the bed to step into the bathroom where he disposed of the condom before running warm water on a washcloth.  He caught his reflection in the mirror and the relaxed, appeased, _content_ expression on his own face both satisfied and exasperated him. He was doomed. _As if you haven’t been the second you saw him_ , he admitted to himself.

Shaking his head in disgruntlement at the happiness that flowed his chest, he slid back into the bedroom and paused. The lithe, blond, angelic silhouette laying in easy slumber in the rays on sunlight twisted something in his gut. The view of Justin there, in this bed had once rattled him with unease and incertitude but now seemed to be the only thing capable of quieting the white noise in his head and heart. Now that he’d admitted publicly that that man was the only person he would change for, that sight would always be the only one he would ever crave, every day, for the rest of his life.

He gently eased his body back in bed and slowly passed the washcloth on Justin’s soft, fragile belly before throwing it back toward the bathroom and laying back down near his lover’s body. As he wrapped a light arm around his waist, Justin unconsciously snuggled closer and buried his nose in Brian’s throat with a low hum of contentment and a whispered, almost inaudible “Luv’ you.” Brian pressed him a bit closer against him, and tightened his mouth in a vain effort at preventing the maudlin smile that threatened to take over his lips.  He waited for Justin’s breath to return to a deep, slow pattern indicative of sleep before he murmured “Love you too”, and finally closed his eyes and let himself drift in Justin’s arms.

He was doomed, that was certain, but maybe he wasn’t doomed to fail, after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Justin POV**

 

They didn’t move out of the loft for the rest of their short weekend together. Neither mentioned it, but Justin supposed Brian felt as he did: they just wanted the time together, without outside interference. Time passed in a nice pattern: fuck, sleep, order take out, eat half-naked at the counter, fuck on the couch, fuck in the shower, rest a bit snuggled on the couch with a movie neither of them really watched, talk. About anything and everything. Kinnetik, New York, art, the gang’s latest adventures, the future, movies, music. Justin felt more rested he’d felt in the last three months, and at one point, as he was drifting in contented slumber, head on the arm rest after the Pad Thai that had followed their latest romp on the sofa, he couldn’t help the words that escaped him. 

“I love you.” He said warmly to Brian, whose relaxed face was slumped next to his.

The man opened his eyes and looked at him.

“I know.” He said with the most serious expression on his face.

Justin couldn’t believe his eyes or ears, and he sat up as he felt his eyebrow try to climb all the way to his hair.

“Brian Kinney, did you just _Han Solo’ed_ me??” he asked incredulously.

“Did I? I didn’t know you had such _old_ pop culture references, Sunshine.” Brian replied with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh. My. God. _I_ didn’t know _you_ even knew about Star Wars!”

It was Brian’s turn to raise a disbelieving eyebrow.

“I was raised by Michael, what do you think?”

“Admit it. You are a closeted geek.” Justin said teasingly.

“Am not. I had to indulge Michael. It was bound to leave some scars.”

Justin smiled. That was a bit too fast and forceful an answer to be honest. _The lady doth protest too much._

“Bullshit. How many times did you watch the Empire Strikes Back?”

Brian…blushed (?!) and didn’t answer. Instead, he sat up, gathered the take-out boxes and moved them to the kitchen. Justin watched him clean up and laughed in delight.

“I knew it!”

“It was Michael’s favorite!” Brian replied, but his eyes avoided Justin as the blond moved closer to the kitchen to help.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll ask him.”

“…no you won’t.” Brian stated as he stepped closer to Justin.

“I sure will.” Justin replied with a teasing grin as he danced away from Brian.

“Come here, little twat.” The words were growled half-heartedly as Brian tried to grab him again.

“Why don’t you come and get me, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nefherder?” he answered in a high-pitched voice.

Brian stopped with a surprised laugh. He tilted his head and looked at Justin appraisingly.

“You realized you just shouldered the role of Princess Leia in this-” he gestured vaguely between them.

“The word you’re looking for is _relationship_ , and yes, I’m aware I chose to be the most badass character in the entire galaxy, why?”

Brian didn’t answer, but stepped closer with a heated look. It suddenly dawned on Justin.

“You’re _not_ picturing me in a golden bikini, Brian.” He scolded.

The man looked up with a wide grin.

“Sorry, too late.”

“I’m not a woman!”

It was Brian’s turn to scold him, as he reached Justin and pulled him to his chest.

“If you think sexy lingerie is reserved to women, then I haven’t been thorough in my education, dear. I’ll have to remedy that someday.”

The light kiss he planted on Justin's lips soon turned forceful and deep, and Justin forgot about a galaxy far, far away and let himself be swept away in the moment.

(Brian didn't forget the conversation though -he never did- as Justin would discover a few weeks later, when his partner arrived in New York with a nice, golden gift from the adult-only lingerie boutique in Pittsburgh. Justin laughed at first, but had to admit he rocked the thin garment. And the dark, lusty eyes Brian had the whole time sure made up for any silliness he might have felt.)

***

As the time of Justin’s departure crept closer, the mood in the loft changed, from teasing and light to serious and heavy.

In his only acknowledgment of Justin’s leaving, Brian had proposed to drop him off at the airport, but Justin had declined the offer. He wanted to be able to kiss and hug Brian goodbye to his heart's content without the judgmental looks their natural display of affection would not doubt elicit from his fellow ( _backward, homophobic_ ) passengers.

Brian had booked a cab for him instead, and left him to gather his few belongings as he'd settled in front of the TV. Justin was glad he wasn't hovering behind him, even if he wasn't fooled by the apparent indifference of his lover. He could hear the rapid channel surfing in the other room, and he knew that if he looked, he'd see an absent gaze in Brian's eyes. He knew deep down that the man was as forlorn as he felt about their impending separation. Their talk had made that clear.

On a whim, he grabbed Brian's forgotten t-shirt from the floor.

He brought it to his nose and inhaled deeply, before putting it in his bag. Brian had several other white Prada t-shirts, he probably wouldn’t notice that one was missing, and if he did, well, Justin would have no qualm explaining why he’d taken it. His small bag thus full, he zipped it and looked around. The bed was still unmade, the crumpled sheets pushed down to the foot and the cushions askew a good sign of what they’d spent their weekend doing. He smiled and over his shoulder, asked Brian “Do you want me to take the sheets out?”. He heard the light footsteps as the man walked up to the bedroom and turned around with a smile. Brian had an indecipherable look on his face as he glanced at the bed, then at Justin.

“No, don’t bother.” He said in a neutral tone. “I’ll do it later.”

Justin observed his face, and it dawned on him that maybe Brian would leave them be for another night. At least, Justin would if the situation was reversed, if only to keep Brian’s scent on the pillow a little while longer. He smiled sadly and grabbed his bag. The cab should be on its way, and he could no longer delay.

As he passed Brian on the steps, the man grabbed his arm gently.

“What do you need me to do?”

Justin started, and looked at him in interrogation. Brian had a somber expression on his face, his mouth a thin line as he rolled his lips tightly, but his eyes were clear and firm on Justin’s face.

“What do you mean?”

Brian looked down for a second before his gaze returned to Justin’s eyes.

“I promised I would try, and I will, so what do I need to do to show you I am fulfilling my promise?” he asked urgently, earnestly.

Justin couldn’t quite hide his surprise at Brian actually asking, but he could also feel a burst of love for the man settle warmly in his chest. He let his widest smile take over his lips, and he took Brian’s hand gently as he looked at him with all the fondness and affection he was capable of. He took a second to put order to his thoughts before replying, and when he did, he kept his eyes on Brian’s to make sure he came across to the man.

“I need to be able to complain and vent to you without you going AWOL on me. When I do vent, because sometimes I will, I want you to be your snarky asshole-ish self and tell me I’m being a silly faggot because that’s how I know you care, how I’ve always known you had my back.”

Brian smiled slyly at that, humor clear in his eyes. Justin smiled in return. Even if it stung sometimes, he did love it when Brian was brutally honest and gave him constructive criticism and forceful shoves. He had always done so, and for Justin it meant that Brian respected him enough to treat him like the strong independent adult he was. It also meant Brian had a real interest in his work and art to provide input, or he wouldn’t have bothered wasting his time. It meant Brian valued him as a person, as a professional, and beside the love he felt for the man, he had tremendous respect for his professional skill and vision, so to have him take the time and energy to do that was incredibly heady. Even more so when his own vision and skill was given credit and Brian asked for his input and treated him like an equal on something so near and dear to him as Kinnetik.

“Will this be all your Majesty requires?” Brian said cheekily.

Justin smiled. _Time for the coup-de-grâce_.

“No, I have another request.” He looked deeply into Brian’s open, smiling eyes. “In the past three months, were there moments where you wanted to come and visit me?”

Brian’s face closed a bit, and his eyes left Justin’s as he answered somberly.

“I was busy.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Brian looked at him for a fleeting instant, his expression clouded, then turned around and made to step down in the main room. Justin stopped him with a light touch on the shoulder.

“Why didn’t you?”

“As I said, I was busy with Kinnetik.” Brian’s voice was cold, indifferent almost, and he looked straight in front of him, his back to Justin. But Justin could feel the tension in the shoulder under his hand. He kept his voice soft as he spoke.

“That’s not the only reason, is it? You didn’t want to be a distraction, didn’t you?”

“You have work to do.”

“I do. But, Brian, even if I’m in over my head with the restaurant and the painting, I would always be happy to know you’re around, even for a few hours.”

Brian turned his head just enough for Justin to see his eyebrow rise in disbelief.

“I would. Same with calls, or messages.” Justin insisted.

Brian turned more fully and looked him straight in the eye.

“You know you’ll never have hundreds of over-flowery messages or calls every second of every day. I’m not that kind of person.”

Justin smiled fondly. “I know, and I don’t want you to be. What I do want, though, is for you to stop second-guessing yourself or think about what it means when you want to call, or pay me a visit. I want you to do what _you_ want to do, what makes _you_ happy. If that means I have a surprise call or visit once in a while, all the better. Just do it if you feel like it, and I promise not to comment, okay?”

Brian smiled one of his rare wide grin.

“No gushing about your perfect, _considerate_ partner to anyone?” He finally said teasingly.

“And risk ruining Brian Kinney’s reputation? No way!” Justin replied with a laugh and a wink.

Brian’s face sobered slightly, and he slowly closed the distance between them. He stopped an inch or so from Justin’s lips, and the blond felt his breath on his skin as he spoke.

“Then my prince’s wish is my command.”

Justin’s beaming smile was smothered in the deep, loving, desperate kiss. They stayed in each other’s embrace until the buzz at the intercom let them know the cab had arrived.

 

On his way to the airport, Justin couldn’t help but reflect on Brian’s “later” as he’d passed the threshold. This time he had no doubt the ‘later’ in question would come sooner than expected.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it seems this story is  still  not done with me. I had no idea this part would be so long. What can I say, I love when our boys talk... and fuck, but I guess the 5000 words of smut had given me away on that point?


End file.
